


Burn after writing

by shewasjustagirl



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Angst, Epistolary, High School Crush, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 02:53:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13401912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewasjustagirl/pseuds/shewasjustagirl
Summary: Rhett can’t sleep, so he writes to Link in his journal to try to clear his mind.It’s just angst, tbh.





	Burn after writing

I’ll probably burn this after I write it.

It’s late and I can’t sleep, so I’m writing to you. In my journal. And planning to burn it. See what you do to me? You don’t, actually. Because of the whole burning this thing. Let’s just pretend that’s not going to happen. Then I can tell you the truth. For just a second. Then maybe I’ll be able to get some sleep tonight.

So, part of the reason I can’t sleep is I’m watching you sleep. Not really, obviously. But remember when I took that picture? And you almost killed me when we got the photos developed and made me throw away the negatives? Yeah, that picture. I’ve been looking at it for hours now. You’re sleeping in the picture, and even though your whole face looks peaceful you’re sort of smiling. 

See, I can’t get out of my head that you could have been dreaming about me. You knew I was there. We spent that whole day together. And we were talking when you dozed off. Now that I think about it, that might mean you were dreaming about the hidden city of Atlantis. I’m pretty sure that’s what I was all excited about at the time. And I put you to sleep. Sorry about that. But maybe you were thinking about me.

I’m trying to go to sleep, I promise. Trying to close my eyes and maybe smile like that. And maybe dream. About you. And about me. Us.

I almost used your name there. I think I’m going to try not to in case my mom finds this before I have a chance to get rid of it. She’ll probably be the one to wake me up in the morning. But if she finds this, she’ll have some questions about this part that mentions her… I never said it was a good plan. 

And she’d probably find the picture, too, huh? 

Well then. Here goes nothing.

Link, you’re keeping me up. You’re across town, and you’ve probably been asleep for hours, but you’re keeping me up.

Gosh, this has got to sound so weird. And, bo, it feels weird, too. It’s like, we’ve been friends so long. And you’re basically my brother. 

I don’t even know how to say this. It’s this...this thing. It’s different now, being around you I mean, for me at least, and I don’t want it to go back exactly, but it’s making me crazy. Lately, when you touch me, it feels like I’ve been shocked. Sort of like when you wear thick socks on the carpet in the winter, and then you touch a doorknob, you know? Except it doesn’t hurt like that does. It kind of tingles, and I can feel it in my arm or wherever, and then it spreads all over. 

I don’t think I’m doing a very good job explaining. But it’s like magic. And it’s addictive. You’ll probably feel it someday. I don’t think you have yet. You probably would have told me, I think. I would have told you if it weren’t...about you, you know? But yeah, you’ll feel all this some day, for some girl, I guess. 

And I guess this is where I should say I’m sorry for how much I’ve been talking about girls lately. I’ve got it in my head that if I get a girlfriend everything will be sorted out. Things will go back to normal, you know? Then maybe I can feel normal around you again. And be able to hug you or wrestle or whatever. Do our old everyday, easy friend stuff. I bet it seems like I’m pushing you away. I don’t mean to do it. But gosh, Link. The other day we shook hands and I felt it. That stinging shock all the way up my arm. Maybe we’re like a circuit. The electric current starts flowing when we’re touching. Closing a loop. But I guess that doesn’t make sense if you don’t feel it, too. 

I know you’re not dreaming about me. But I’m sure I’m going to dream about you. And it’s going to hurt so much to wake up and know it wasn’t real. 

Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep. Staying awake is better than living out a fantasy life I know I can’t have for real. 

The dreams aren’t even all that weird, you know. Not usually, anyway. The other day I dreamed we just had a big house and I came home from work and you did too and we had dinner in the living room and watched tv. And then when dinner was over, we just held hands. That’s not all that weird, right? Especially for a dream. Even though we don’t hold hands in real life, we might be roommates some day.

And how different is shaking hands and holding hands anyway? 

But back to the dream thing. I did have a nightmare about us recently. That was worse than waking up and knowing it wasn’t real. Because it seemed so real and you were so mad at me. In the dream I didn’t remember doing anything wrong, but you were yelling at me out in front of everyone. Telling them about the stuff we normally don’t talk about in front of other people. Making fun of me for thinking we could stay in North Carolina and still be musicians or go to film school or something like that. 

You normally say it’s smart. That you agree we’ll be able to save money if we stay a little closer to home, even if we don’t get scholarships. You normally don’t make fun of me for trying to figure out how we can do big things together. You joke about me talking too much, but I can tell you’re just kidding.

And I know it wasn’t the real you, so I’m not complaining, I promise. But right out in front of everyone you accused me of trying to kiss you. And I haven’t, not once. I would never. Not unless you wanted me to, I mean. 

I’ve thought about it some, you know. Kissing you. Whatever that electricity is, that feeling I’m obsessed with, I can only imagine what it would be like on my lips. On my cheeks, even. I wish you felt it. Then maybe you’d want me to touch your neck. Or your waist. Or your mouth. Maybe you’d want to touch mine.

But I know that’s never going to happen, so I’m going to tell you the truth. I think I’m in love with you. I don’t really know what that’s like, but I think so. More than anything, though, I want to be a good friend to you. Because I think that’s probably what you need from me. And probably all you want from me. You’re my best friend and I love you and I want to be what you need.

So I’m going to try really hard to keep being your friend, I promise. I’m going to try to act normal, and help you get girls, and come to your soccer games. I don’t ever want this thing, this hangup that I have, to stop all that. 

That’s my fear. That you’ll find out what’s going on and shut me out forever. Please please don’t, Link. Because I need the real you, too. I don’t want to be stuck with just this picture.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last July and found it in drafts. LLSS said I had to post it, so here it is.


End file.
